Rules: Table Manners 201 - Traditions, Origins, and OMG I Didn't Know That!

Hey everybody, it's Nancy and Sylvia once Again, from

Family Tree Food and Stories, and this show is a little different.

Well, I think they're all different actually, don't you, Sylvia?

Oh yeah, but they all go back to one place.

It's called Family Traditions, Family Tree Food & Stories.

That's what we're all about.

So grappling with all the many subjects that can go down, all kinds

of rabbit holes on behalf of that theme.

They are endless.

And this one is, , something that your mother probably told you

about we're talking about manners.

Kind of like, remember Ms. Manners of the day and age, and

I think she's still around

Well, I know she was really big in the seventies and, what

was really interesting about Ms. Manners, who was, , actually Judith Martin.

And, at her prime, she was in like 200 newspapers across the country.

Sort like a dear Abby kind of thing, you know.

And, , what was interesting about her is that she came after the.

Tumultuous sixties now that we're in the sixties.

I was old enough to be in the sixties.

I don't know about anybody else out there, but manners sort of like were.

, It was counterculture.

It was a time where you know, love everybody and do anything you want.

, It was that kind of society.

So she reigned it all in and became Miss Manners.

However, she did bring a sense of flexibility and I remembered a

story and you got time for a story

Sure that time for a story?

Sure, do it!

Belksville Kentucky is down on the Cumberland River, which is in

southern Kentucky on the Tennessee border.

And.

Cumberland River flows right through it.

, My mentor was the mayor of Belksville, Kentucky, 1600 souls.

He was so smart.

He was a, retired general who moved back home to take care of his aging

mother, who was also really smart.

one day I asked him.

I said, Paul, why is it that there's so many like, , if you look at the

stats on Belksville, above average schooling, all that kinda stuff,

it was a finishing school kind of place for the Rich Easterners that

would float down the rivers that ran, , in this part of the country.

And they would come here and.

Women that, it was girls and it was very strict stuff, and they would intermarry

with , the natives of Southern Kentucky.

I just thought that was really interesting because it got me into

what finishing schools were at the time for upper class young women

who were taught a very serious.

Way to behave and to act and,

In society

In society.

and , so then you had the sixties, and I know I'm overgeneralizing, but you

had that kind of throw all that away and then Miss Manners came back to kind

of bring it all together to the middle, with some flexibility unlike, , some

of the other kinds of finishing school or the Victorian age and all those

things where everything just had to be.

Perfect.

Or Martha Stewart, right?

Right, right.

Martha from Nutley, New Jersey.

I love

Yes.

That is interesting.

Not from Westport.

Well, she is from Westport.

But anyway, but it's interesting to look at how all these

manner things, came about.

And you've been watching The Crown.

I know.

I love it.

But it I mean it's well before all of that, I wonder

if the cavemen actually, and Cavewomen had manner processes.

, We didn't have napkins and forks and knives, but there was probably like,

you don't hit , , my lady over the head with a club to take her home to your

cave and have dinner with her when I'm having dinner with her kind of thing.

But sure, there's something else.

But also we had the the middle evil times.

Which I find is rather interesting on how people became, more civilized,

sure.

Well, don't you think if you read back in ancient history, people

were a pretty violent bunch, in the medieval times they were just pigs.

I am just gonna

say it.

There's none of them alive to protest.

pigs compared to we are today at

That's what I would think.

Well, some people I know are pigs, but that's besides the point.

no, but that's not the standard.

The standard is you don't do that.

like forks were considered effeminate or too refined.

people ate with their hands.

And another funny story is I took a group of mayors to a Moroccan

restaurant, I think it was in Las Vegas, and 'cause different cultures

look at stuff even today differently.

And , they brought a whole chicken and your job was to grab a piece of chicken.

Off of that chicken.

And they

were outraged.

Yes.

With your hands.

They were outraged.

The mayors were outraged.

They were like, oh, I can't eat at a place where somebody else, had their hands.

Is that interesting though?

But that was a common, apparently it was a very authentic restaurant.

and then don't you have some knife things?

Because they

Oh, there's a whole bunch of interesting things on how place

settings are, so I don't know about you, but I know the basics of where

your forks and knives go on a place.

Settings.

And the red wine.

And the white wine and the bread.

I, you know.

The biggest challenge that I think most people have, especially at an

event, is, which is your bread plate versus somebody ed else's bread plate?

Well, you know the best way to solve that problem and remember it, you put , your

hands up and make , the okay sign, and one is a B and one is a D, and the bread

side is the one that has the B side.

, And the drink side is where you've got the drink where your coffee cup is.

So that's kind of, I don't know if , that portrays well in audio

connection, but I think you get the idea., the the A. Okay sign.

And , when you've got your fingers up, it's like A, okay, B and D.

I don't know if you'll ever break me from just

saying, Hey Bernie, this is mine,

Is it B okay or D. Okay.

Oh, , now I grew up largely without, I'm gonna say, this is so funny.

My parents will turn over in their grave without manners.

Oh,

Oh, okay.

No.

Now I'm gonna explain.

. We really never had people over to dinner.

We were a very reclusive family.

Out on a farm, happy family, but.

Very reclusive.

So, , we ate with, , forks and stuff like that, and obviously weren't

the pigs of the medieval age.

you didn't always use your hands.

No, not always, but, and we weren't feral people, , but , so

I remember, and this is not manners exactly, but it actually could

be my first date, the guy takes me to a diner and I must have been 16.

I don't know how old I was, never eaten out.

Except when we were on vacation occasionally and he took me to dinner

and I decided the best manners I could show was not to open my mouth,

which I didn't, I didn't talk to him.

I didn't say a word.

Kinda along the lines, don't open my mouth.

And the event that, you

Don't chew with your mouth open, right?

Yeah.

So don't talk.

anyway, that was my version of, of manners.

. Nancy May: So you weren't exactly a hot date that night.

I take it.

No, he never asked me out again.

Imagine that.

I kind of thought he'd like a silent date.

That is, funny.

so but it's interesting to look at the placement of forks

and knives on the place set.

Did you know that how a knife is set on the table actually

goes back to medieval times?

no.

Tell me about it.

Yeah, so here's what happened.

the knife was a double-edged kind of knife used as weapon originally.

And the blade was, facing inwards towards your plate, if there was a

plate or a piece of wood or whatever they used, signaled trust to, the

people around the table with you,

Yeah.

if the bla right, exactly.

Because you're not gonna like whack somebody off

We are a barbaric barbarian

whacking somebody else off is a different story, a different

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh yeah.

Oh, okay.

But if the blade is turned outwards, that's considered, rather.

Threatening to somebody else,

that makes sense.

and is also a hospitality thing now, so it's been carried forward.

When you put a place sitting, the knife blade is always set towards

your plate, not away from it, whether it's blunt or a hunting knife.

My dad taught me that growing up.

Isn't that interesting?

but that's a good one.

You know, king Louis the 14th banned a pointed knives to discourage violence.

Okay.

Don't mess with that crowd.

, And so the origin of the table knife, I don't know what that means

exactly, but , king Louis was the father of Royal Risk Management.

Oh, I love it.. and then the French, the

French, they are funny people.

We love them, especially their food, but the knife was, displayed

wherever the family crest was.

So if the blade was on the facing outwards and their family crest was

on the upside, it kind of was important to let people know your status.

So.

Yeah.

The knife showed your ranking, which I thought was rather interesting.

Well, you can see where royalty like in The Crown.

I'm so fascinated by how everybody's seated in a certain

place and, it's so formal.

And of course, throughout the entire series, which is huge.

, There.

Being pressured as modern living comes along to change all those things, and

yet they hold onto it because it is the etiquette that has sustained them

and has developed over time and it's really hard for them to give it up.

And , Diana.

Kind of played around with them, didn't she?

And she kind of got her way,

they She better not be nasty to Diana that they were.

No, But but placing where people are placed.

Especially in an event is very important.

Or even a family, , the head of the table is always the position power.

And my dad would sit at the front of the table, it.

Holidays or my grandmother would actually, no, dad would always sit at the front of

the table 'cause he would carve the Turkey and my grandmother always sat to the right

side, which was her position of power.

So , us.

Kids would always sit on the sides, it didn't matter.

But even at home, it was probably not intentional yet.

There were still those levels of, I don't

Hierarchy.

And formality.

Now this is all really interesting and I know you may have a different opinion, but

Go ahead.

Old Martha,

Oh,

, Sylvia Lovely: Martha's book is coming out and I swore I was

gonna find the name of it, but,

, Let see.

No, no, no.

It's a reissuance of an old book,

Ah,

entertainment.

Anyway, it was

when she was

Entertainment.

I think that was one of her original ones.

Yeah, it was, and very young.

Very young, Martha.

And, , her book was controversial at the time because she advocated perfection.

And then the reason it was controversial is that, I mean, she was wealthy.

She could afford to spend endless time and days putting together the perfect table

and manners and all of that kind of stuff.

So.

I think it was interesting 'cause at least it democratized, so I'm gonna use

that word again with as, , with miss manners that everybody could make their

house a home and, , to lesser degrees people worried about how things were

set up and all of that kind of thing.

Now that may not be manners as much as it's just the overall

look of a table and all of that kind of stuff, sort of decorating.

, Nancy May: We talked about that in, in a previous show, decorating,

but still I think manners go.

A long way on, many different levels.

One, if you are, maybe the hostess is not the right word, but if you invite

friends and other family members into your home, especially now around

the holidays, you wanna make them feel comfortable around their table.

And even if they don't have the best manners, not to necessarily

call them out on it, but hopefully show them by example.

My mom , had a story that she told us time and time again when we were kids.

She was so concerned that we wouldn't know how to handle ourselves as

adults at somebody else's table.

I don't know why, because they drill it into us as kids, how to properly

eat with a fork and knife and make sure that we didn't embarrass ourselves or

somebody else or that we were with.

Especially if it's like, well, a date we learn to talk still.

Yeah, please

But my mom did not know how to eat a chicken with a fork, a knife,

chicken on the bone , as a teenager.

' cause they were like, it's not that they were manners were bad, I think at home.

It's just that they never did it.

They picked up the chicken with her hands and, that kind of thing.

Well, my mom was.

Totally embarrassed not knowing how to do this, but made sure that she

delicately took the chicken off the bone at her boyfriend's house and at the

end of the meal, her boyfriend's mother came to her quietly and said, I have

never seen anybody with such impeccable manners on how do you eat a chicken

with a bone with your fork and knife,

Interesting.

Mom drill that one into me really well.

I still don't like getting my fingers sticky on chicken.

Ladies in the Victorian age had to use a fork

and knife to cut an orange.

Pamphlets were developed on proper orange eating protocol.

Isn't that interesting?

Oh my goodness.

Or what about grace and, blessings.

I think those are really, not in, I say , in style today.

Although yeah, I have had friends who said, would you mind if we say Grace?

No, go right ahead.

that works and we've got, we've got a Grace in our book, family

Tree, food and Stories right

in the back.

If you don't have

one,

I.

got one for you.

I think they're on the upswing.

I know when I go to lunch and I, and we frequently go to lunch together,

Frida a frequent contributor and I always start eating.

You know, the other thing is you wait till the other person gets

their meal right before you.

Dig in.

And that's kind of ingrained in all of us.

And so as soon as the food arrives, I'm like, I pick up my fork.

Do you mind if I say grace?

I'm like, oh shoot.

When will I ever ingrain that in my head?

It's a good idea.

Wasn't your grandfather or somebody a preacher too

oh yeah.

Bernie's dad was, and so

you knew you were gonna say Grace before, all of that, before

Well, and then there's so many other things.

, Napkin, I wouldn't say napkins, but, , we'll get to napkins, but bad manners.

There was, I'm gonna say it was probably the early eighties that

corporations were hiring etiquette trainers to teach their young recruits.

How to behave at a table because they were coming to the corporate world with

no manners, which I find rather sad at the same time as as interesting.

But things as simple as where do you place your napkin?

Do you even use a napkin?

Which I think is really, I mean, alright, maybe it's a

So you don't use shirt sleeves?

Are you

No, no, or, or you.

You don't tuck it into the top of your shirt unless you're eating lobster, and

then you're usually given a bit, and that's a whole nother type of thing.

But the napkin always goes on your lap and yeah, it doesn't tuck into

your pants or anything like that.

You guys always have an issue with ties, right?

So maybe they just wipe their mouths with their ties, or never

speaking with your mouth full.

Now, these things are really kind of obvious, I think, in many

cases, yet I see so many people.

Just not doing them.

Just stop, take small bites of food, chew, or, , here's another one.

When you have bread , on your bread plate, if you're at a

restaurant , you don't cut the thing in half and slather butter on it.

You're supposed to take just a small little piece and then butter

it or do whatever you're doing with it or dip it in oil and eat

the piece, not the whole chunk.

Don't bite into it.

So that's

Yeah.

at one time, only the host could break bread.

If you reached for it too early, you were challenging authority.

Yikes.

I love the concept of just breaking bread because

it means you're sitting down

with people that you are coming to the table for,

here's an interesting thing, whether

it's manners or whatever it is.

, I have seen increasingly now if you're at a high level business,

dinner, breakfast or lunch or dinner, and , it has kind of been.

Tradition that men pick up the check.

And frequently they do, And that's kind of a tradition.

Men take care of women.

Right.

But today's world is really different.

And I'm just wondering, , I typically do coffee meetings outside of my home.

I work from home and.

That is kind of easier because you go, you just go up to a

counter and you order that.

Plus, you know, I've always had to be real honest with you, I've always

had issues with what do you order if you're in a business meeting because

you don't want something like, oh, I'll tell you, the worst thing to

order is, uh, French onion soup

with the gooey cheese.

And the fear that you're gonna have these big strings of

cheese hanging down your chin.

I mean, I still no.

can always use a knife to cut the strings of cheese.

That's, I've done that before.

Well, you can do all of that, but I just avoid it

when I do have lunch with people.

And then, in today's world, what do you do?

Do you,

Well , let's come back because we're gonna take a quick

break and we're gonna come back and talk about who picks up the check.

That's an interesting one, so stay tuned.

We'll be right back.

. All right, so we are back and we're picking up on this one, pun

intended, on checks at the table for restaurants, and whether it's business

or friendship or whatever that is.

And who picks up the check?

let me start with, we've got the husband of a friend who we love

dearly, who my friend says, well, my husband has alligator arms.

You know what that is?

You can't reach the check all the time.

And we have other friends who went out to dinner with, well, they, they're no

longer close friends, which is really sad because this woman, not that it

matters, but extremely wealthy, always let somebody else pick up the check.

She would find some excuse to leave early or I gotta go and just.

Oh no.

Disappear, which is probably why she was wealthy,

but, or one of the reasons.

Right?

But here's my theory on picking up the check.

If you are the one that has done the inviting, inviting somebody

out, and you are the host,

Yes,

you pick up the check

that's what I think.

men or women.

However, I have been in those situations where typically it's an older gentleman

will insist that they pick up the check.

and if I say, no, I've invited you out, you're my guest.

If they, I don't wanna say, if they can be gr can't be gracious enough to

say thank you, then, then, , I just, the term gracious, that's kind of rude.

That does not give me very good manners.

But if they really wanna do that,

that's fine and I will find some other way to thank them

or.

show my, appreciation a, in a different way.

You

can also always ask to offer to pick up the, tip, right?

yeah, yeah.

No, I agree with you because I really believe sometimes, particularly an older

generation person wants to have that sense of power, and that's okay with me.

, I'm fine with that because I understand it

, Nancy May: If it's a power play, I am like, eh, yeah.

I'm not wild about that.

There's not too many older than me now, you know?

Well, if it's done, as a politeness versus a power

play, that's a whole nother story.

So

Okay.

Well we can agree to disagree on that 'cause we don't know what power is, do we?

There's many different meanings of power.

that, I would agree with.

yeah.

I can think of power as being obnoxious, you know,

Uh, no, I, I believe, uh, my husband has a really hard time

accepting gifts from people, and I'm like, no, people feel really good

sometimes about feeling like they were able to do something for you.

I agree with you.

So if that's power, then I'm all for it.

So anyway.

consider that power.

I just think that's being gracious

Okay.

Difference of opinions, but, I just, what, how you define power.

agree.

I.

Anyway., Just another thing, chopsticks, don't sit them upright.

It's a bad omen.

I think that's pretty funny.

Well, and speaking of, chopsticks or just even sitting at the table,

really waiting for doing anything before your guests or other family

members sit down at the table.

You don't eat before somebody else, right?

You wait.

You wait till they're served, even if it takes forever.

However, if your guest says, or the other person at the table

says, please go ahead and eat,

then you have

that's right.

the, approval to do so.

I still feel uncomfortable doing that, especially if people

are waiting forever and just as

bad service at a restaurant.

, I feel bad for doing that.

Uh, I do too.

Did you know that in Japan, I was in Japan?

It was really hard.

I told you I grew up without manners.

No, I didn't grow up without manners.

I just not refined ones, but it was really hard to sloop slurp my noodles.

Oh yeah, that's a big thing.

It a slurping is considered an etiquette thing, right?

That was fun.

do you wanna hear about some holiday things?

Oh, I wanna hear holiday things.

Absolutely.

Okay.

Now these aren't like different things.

They're just more intense at holiday time.

Everybody's busy, right?

You gotta get to that party, that five to seven thing, but you gotta go do some

Christmas shopping and then the other trick that people do is they all RSVP.

This happens to a restaurant all the time.

RSVP.

Yes, we're coming.

And

then, and then they don't Now on a restaurant that happens.

That really does happen.

And it's so irritating.

'cause what happens, particularly at Derby time and , other times they'll

call two or three places for 16 people and then they don't show up at yours.

And

that is.

them.

Yeah, I'd charge 'em a book.

We have started getting credit card numbers, but

anyway, it brings me to RSVP.

RSVP quickly when you get an invitation

absolutely.

on time.

Well, okay.

I have, a caveat to that one.

So not to RSVPing.

' cause we've sent out invitations to parties in years past.

We do a big Christmas party and there are people who just

don't know how to respond yet.

I know they're coming.

I.

Yeah.

I don't know how much food to cook.

I don't know if you're gonna be there.

It's a disappointment if you're not there.

just be kind enough to, to say that you'll be there, especially if it's a home party.

Yeah, but

you're on my, , you know, S**T list.

If you don't

Mm-hmm.

on my side,

Although I think what people do, this is not good.

They hedge their bets, you know?

that they're gonna get to a better party

Oh, a better party, or they don't have that last

minute gift they have to get, or, they're gonna like keep it open.

But I, I just, I disagree with that.

I think that's bad.

So you wanna hear this one?

This one's fine.

Yeah, go ahead.

This is one of the biggest complaints about Facebook in general.

Don't post pictures of your fancy gifts.

Oh, that's funny.

That's funny.

My gift is better than yours.

Or better yet, you go to one of those parties after Christmas and I forget

what they call it, but you bring the gift that you don't like your worst

gift and you exchange it with others.

So , you draw numbers and say Who gets the worst gift?

Oh, that's hilarious.

a bad, it's like a bad gift swap.

It's really pretty funny.

I would never put a picture of that.

Like, 'cause all of a sudden my gift got on the bad swap

Well, that actually happened to me once.

I shouldn't even, I

oh.

Uh

should not even admit it.

Somebody got me a gift and I thought it was from someone else, and the person

standing there was the person, and I was like, oh, why would I ever do with this?

oh no.

Found out later that he had given it to me and I didn't know that

it was I tell you what it was, it was a disc of the movie.

It's a wonderful life, and I never thought I'd enjoy that movie,

but I actually later watched it.

I mean, that just

I. Think it's depressing.

I can't watch it.

Well, yeah.

You Yeah.

Well, it has to have a ending.

Right.

But anyway.

Go ahead.

So that's, just tacky to put your, , super gold

earrings, on display for the world and probably not safe because

somebody will come and get 'em.

So I, have something really quickly.

So if somebody's having a house party and they, and you offered to bring something.

Yeah.

The rule is ask the hostess what it is that she needs that you

can bring, because you don't wanna all of a sudden bring something now

, she's got too many desserts, or too many appetizers, or whatever it is.

Ask where she needs the help, and then make sure you stick to

what it is that you could bring.

You bring something else as well, but it could ruin their whole plans, and

Oh sure.

Oh no, that's good.

That's good.

Okay.

There's one time of the year that you can easily bring tacky gifts

for

people.

Yeah,

Ugly Christmas sweaters.

ugly Christmas sweaters or bring the fruitcake

with the ugly Christmas sweater.

Although I love fruitcakes,

you know, I don't, but yeah, my dad did.

tacky Christmas sweater.

People have even cra tacky Christmas sweater parties,

, okay, here's, another one.

' cause um, people do this secret Santa and they set a price limit

Mm-hmm.

and Mary exceeds the price limit.

Oh.

no.

Oh, no.

No.

Yeah, not that's not, that's good.

Right?

It's $10 and all of a sudden then if somebody got $50 get, there's no way

they're getting those slippers for $10.

Right.

Oh gosh.

, Oh, I've got a note here that I can't even think.

toasting?

toasting?

Has all sorts of interesting sort of etiquette and things around it.

It's

yeah.

Yep.

Here's some, here's something really funny about it.

Many ways to prove that you're not trying to kill the other person

in a toast.

a toast.

A theory is that if you click another loud enough, , they say that in ancient times.

That was one of the ways to prove you're not trying to kill the other

one because you clink the glass, right?

and I guess that works, but another thing.

it was something splashes into their glass

Well that, uh, yeah.

And then, , that assures the other person that there's no poison.

I mean, it's hard to believe this is actually true stuff.

And the louder the click, the greater the trust in an age of sheer

paranoia, in how did it, we evolve into no hands for eating actually.

It grew out of a fear of gluttony.

Uh, and oh, I love this etiquette books.

At the time, this was a long time ago, um, it probably in the 18 hundreds

or something, but etiquette books instructed not to use all 10 fingers ever.

You were told to eat with the three fingers on the right

hand symbolizing Trinity.

So three fingers on the right hand while you're

eating with your hands as opposed

I don't know , not sure if Matt holding your utensils

with these fingers or what, but I guess at one time, you hold your fork.

I mean, you don't just grab your fork and your

Oh, and put your whole hand around it.

Well, some people do.

So that's another thing, how you hold your fork and knife when you're eating.

Like some people grab it , like grabbing a stick and , my folks used

to call it, you don't shovel your food.

Yeah, number of times.

That's right, that's good.

That's good.

Yeah.

so.

so.

or washing your hands before meals.

Goodness gracious.

Who would've think that that was partially, that was

actually an etiquette thing.

That seems just like a sanitary thing, but it's actually, part

of a, . The medieval feast.

You have to wash your hands before, although.

Wait a second.

The Japanese, when you go to a Japanese restaurant, don't they give you a warm

cloth that you just wanna bathe in?

Right?

Because it feels so good.

So there is something about this purification, but a, it's a ritual.

I, it's, well, , it's manners and a ritual, I guess, all at the same time.

We'll talk about rituals at other time, but there's something that's very

interesting and I don't know how much your waiters and waitresses look at this.

But when somebody is done eating and how many people do it as a guess, how

you place your fork and your knife on your plate is signaling whether you're

not done eating or you are done eating.

And I, I can't tell you how many times I've been to a restaurant

and I have, And they don't know.

Right.

And they just want to, take away the plate of somebody who's done eating

while somebody else is still eating.

Yeah, I know.

I

know.

Now I

Don't know that our wait staff were very careful about taking

plates away, , too quickly.

But, um, Bernie actually knew that I was like, I'm proud of him.

Yeah.

Well, and it, makes me feel like you don't want me there If you take my

plate away and you wanna see, you know, hurry up, hurry up, hurry up.

Oh no.

We are very careful about that.

How about , eating one piece at a time and avoid cutting all

your food into pieces in advance?

Is that something.

you're a child,

, Sylvia Lovely: Mm-hmm.

a little kid

Yeah.

But an adult should not do that.

Never do that.

It's like cutting up your, your bread and doing this.

And I wonder whether there's anything to do with dessert.

Are there any ritual?

I wish there were any manners on desserts.

I don't know.

I don't know either.

That's interesting.

I

do know you had one on your list.

Okay.

I'm just gonna say, if you got little kids in your family and you want peace at the

table, you are gonna give 'em that iPad.

Oh yeah, no electronic gadgets at the table.

Although I think that it's really important for children to learn how

to sit and behave properly at a table.

Now again, you've got a restaurant, so you probably see families come

in with their kids and you, any kid that has unruly, have you ever asked

a family to leave because is unruley?

Oh, no.

Oh

I've actually seen some restaurants tell

yeah.

people to leave because their, their kids are so bad,

I suppose if we ever had that.

I've just never remembered that ever happening, and I have 10 grandchildren

ranging from little to big.

Oh.

There are times when they're kids and they don't, I mean, we try to reel them in and

tell them that they can't run around and be crazy or send them up to the gardens.

We have gardens associated with our restaurant.

and that, , that makes sense.

But,, there are some parents who just don't care and they

let their kids run around and

figure it's a time for mom and dad to be out and just not let

somebody else baby set the, kids.

then I guess, well, How do you show, respect and appreciation to your host or

hostess at, at a, at a meal or, other than paying for, I mean if you're out together,

but do you bring a gift as a hostess gift?

Yeah.

What kind of hostess gifts do you bring?

Bottle of wine.

Okay.

I'm wondering if there are anything else that people bring.

But , food is typically a gift that people bring, , wine or something, cookies or

something that they could appreciate later on, especially on holiday times.

Yeah, I would never cook cookies for anybody else but, , wine

or, , something that's like really specially made like, not a dish, but

like maybe a special, I forget what my neighbor brought over some kind of s

spat bread or something from Germany.

And brought that as a little not, , it wasn't, it was a Christmas gift actually,

but which are probably easier because you can bring any number of things.

But if you're coming to an eating event,

Yeah.

wine is your safest bet.

, Nancy May: I think it certainly is, but , there's so many different ways,

to deal with manners in etiquette.

And I think , the best way is ultimately be gracious.

Be comfortable in your own skin and be appreciative of the other people

that are around you, whether it's at a meal or at a party, or it could be an

interview over a dinner that somebody has taken you out to, and then ultimately

know how to say thank you at the end.

So

Oh yeah.

with that, we'd like to say thank you for being here

for Family Tree Food and Stories.

If you haven't listened to previous shows, we've just done one on oatmeal.

If you don't know where the Scotts hide their oatmeal and days gone by,

you might wanna check on that or other holiday tips and tricks.

Just delicious treats along the way.

listen in to podcast at Family Tree Food and Stories and share it

with friends and family members.

And don't forget, you can get your own book at Amazon at My Family

Tree Food and Stories, because as we like to say, Sylvia, what is it?

Every meal has a story and every story has a feast.

dag gone, right?

Take care.

We'll see you soon, hopefully at our table,

Okay.